The Haystack Method
Haystack is a brief, research‑informed system for understanding the patterns behind how we act, connect, and collaborate.
Introduction
For more than a century, personality science has tried to turn everyday patterns into measurable signals to help us understand ourselves better. Famous tests like the Big Five, Myers Briggs and others have given people great insights into their own pscyhe, while additional theories such as the love languages and attachtment theory give us insights into the way we relate with others.
Until now, tests have mostly been centered around understanding one-self while touching on how we relate with others, but not in any great detail. Astrology has been a popular method for some people to try and determine compatibility, but we think it can be taken a step further.
Haystack aims to help you easily understand your self, how you relate with improve and give compatiblity scores, as well as information to help you improve the way you relate.
How Haystack Works
Haystack blends minimal versions of three core lenses to give directional analysis into how you live and connect with others. Our algorithm derives a number of score based metrics based on your answers to determine your Big 5 traits, Love Languages, and Attachment Style and uses these to determine compatbility between you and anyone else that has taken the test.
Connection is a very tricky thing to quantify so it's important to know that these results are directionally accurate and are not be-all-and-end-all. You can use these insights to understand how you and other people relate, your needs in relationships and use this knowledge to improve the quality of your friendships, relationships and business partnerships.
The Big Five
The Big 5 is the backbone of many well-respected pscyhological tests. It aims to understand you across 5 trait-based dimensions. Haystack uses a minified version of the test and independalty tests for each trait with 3 questions. This is enough to get directional insights for your archetype. Below are the traits and how we interpret them.
Openness → Grounded vs Curious
Measures curiosity, imagination, and comfort with change. We assess this through questions
about new ideas, variety vs. routine, and creative exploration.
Grounded (low openness): Prefers routine, concrete approaches,
tried-and-true methods
Curious (high openness): Enjoys novelty, abstract thinking, creative solutions
Conscientiousness → Easygoing vs Diligent
Measures planning, organization, and follow‑through. We assess this through questions about
habits, daily routines, reliability, and goal‑keeping scenarios.
Easygoing (low conscientiousness): Flexible, adaptable, goes with the
flow
Diligent (high conscientiousness): Organized, disciplined, follows through
on plans
The Big Five personality traits are so robust that psychologists have found them across more than 50 different cultures and languages worldwide — suggesting they capture something universal about human nature.
Extraversion → Reserved vs Outgoing
Measures social energy and stimulation‑seeking. We assess this through preferences for solo
vs. group activities, day‑to‑day pace, and activity level.
Reserved (low extraversion): Prefers quieter environments, smaller
groups, more reflective
Outgoing (high extraversion): Thrives in social settings, seeks stimulation,
outgoing
Agreeableness → Assertive vs Agreebale
Measures warmth, empathy, and cooperativeness. We assess this through tone in conflict, willingness
to support or seek support, and preference for compromise.
Assertive (low agreeableness): Direct, competitive, willing to confront
Agreeable (high agreeableness): Empathetic, cooperative, seeks harmony
Neuroticism → Resilient vs Sensitive
Measures sensitivity to stress and emotional volatility. We assess this through reactivity
to setbacks and emotional regulation scenarios.
Resilient (low neuroticism): Emotionally stable, calm under pressure,
resilient
Sensitive (high neuroticism): More reactive to stress, emotionally responsive,
needs support during difficulties
Under the hood: each answer adds small positive/negative weights per trait; we average per trait and normalize to a 0–100 scale with 50 centered as typical.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory helps us understand how we form and maintain close relationships. Based on research by Bowlby and Ainsworth in the 1950s-70s and extended to adult relationships, it measures two key dimensions that shape how we connect with romantic partners and is critical for understanding how we relate with others.
The Four Attachment Styles:
Secure (low anxiety + low avoidance): Comfortable with intimacy and
independence
Anxious (high anxiety + low avoidance): Craves closeness but fears
abandonment
Avoidant (low anxiety + high avoidance): Values independence,
uncomfortable with closeness
Disorganized (high anxiety + high avoidance): Wants closeness but fears getting
hurt
Anxious Dimension → Need for Closeness
Measures worry about relationship security and fear of abandonment. We assess this through
questions about reassurance-seeking, jealousy, and comfort with partner independence.
Low Anxiety: Comfortable with partner's independence, trusts relationship
security
High Anxiety: Seeks frequent reassurance, worries about partner's
feelings, fears abandonment
Research shows that people with a secure attachment style tend to have the longest-lasting and most satisfying romantic relationships. In contrast, couples where one partner is anxious and the other avoidant often experience the shortest and most turbulent relationships — that pairing is sometimes nicknamed the “anxious–avoidant trap.”
Avoidant Dimension → Comfort with Intimacy
Measures comfort with emotional closeness and vulnerability. We assess this through questions
about sharing feelings, depending on others, and preference for emotional distance.
Low Avoidance: Comfortable with intimacy, easily shares feelings, enjoys
closeness
High Avoidance: Values independence, uncomfortable with vulnerability,
prefers emotional distance
The 5 Love Languages
The 5 Love Languages describe common ways people show and receive love. It's common for people to receive love in one way and show it in another, which can create missed signals. By understanding each others love languages, we can show love in the way our partner will feel it and vice-versa. The love languages are a Grounded tool to help us understand how improve the way we relate with others.
People often give love in the way that comes naturally to them and receive love in a different way. That mismatch creates missed signals. Naming each person’s receiving language lets you translate effort into impact.
Words of Affirmation
People who experience love through words feel most loved when they receive appreciation, encouragement,
and sincere compliments. People who express love through words will give compliments, noticing
effort, sending nice notes or texts.
Watchouts: empty flattery or public praise if someone dislikes the spotlight.
Quality Time
People who experience love through quality time feel most loved with undivided attention and
shared experiences. People who express love through quality time will plan activities, create
phone‑free time, and build simple rituals like walks, meals, or debriefs.
Watchouts: being physically present but mentally elsewhere.
Acts of Service
People who experience love through acts of service feel most loved when burdens are eased —
errands, chores, and logistics handled. People who express love through acts of service will
anticipate needs and follow through reliably.
Watchouts: doing tasks the other didn’t want or didn’t ask for.
Gifts
People who experience love through gifts feel most loved by thoughtful tokens that say “I was
thinking of you.” People who express love through gifts will notice moments and mark them with
personal, meaningful items.
Watchouts: price ≠ meaning; clutter or obligation can backfire.
Physical Touch
People who experience love through physical touch feel most loved with appropriate touch —
hugs, hand‑holding, cuddling, sexual intimacy. People who express love through physical touch
will reach out for greetings, goodbyes, and reassurance.
Watchouts: consent, timing, and context always matter.
How Compatibility Works
Compatibility blends three ideas: where you’re similar, where you’re complementary, and where you’re reciprocal. We combine Big Five trait alignment (similarity), Love Languages give↔receive matching (reciprocity), and Attachment distance on anxious/avoidant (fit). We then add day‑to‑day rhythm (pace via extraversion + conscientiousness) and how teams repair after friction (agreeableness with steadier emotion).
- Traits similarity: alignment on the Big Five dimensions.
- Reciprocity: A’s giving style lines up with B’s preferred receiving (and vice‑versa) across the five Love Languages.
- Attachment fit: smaller anxious/avoidant gaps tend to feel safer.
- Rhythm fit: ease of daily pace and planning style.
- Repair fit: tendency to resolve conflict through warmth and steadier emotion.
Scores are context‑aware across friendship, business, and relationships. Similarity isn’t the only path — complementary pairs can thrive with shared habits.
Interpreting Your Score
Higher scores suggest smoother alignment with others, while Lower scores highlight likely friction points. It's important to keep in mind that score is not destiny, and that the goal of using Haystack is to develop an understanding of how you and others relate, so that you can improve your relationships, friendships and partnerships.
- High: easy momentum — watch shared blind spots.
- Medium: solid potential — manage a few watch‑outs.
- Lower: more differences — use the insights as a playbook, not a verdict.
Meet the Archetypes
Ten archetypes shaped by traits, care channels, and closeness style. Each pair has strengths and typical trade‑offs: some match on similarities (easy momentum), others click through complementarity (clear roles), and many work best with reciprocity (you give what I prefer, and vice‑versa). No pairing is perfect—each archetype has predictable friction points with certain others; naming them helps you design rituals and repair habits that keep the good parts shining.
Guardian
Steady, dependable, and protective of what matters. Builds calm through consistency.
Maker
Disciplined executor who gets things done with precision and consistency.
Visionary
Strategic leader who combines innovation with organization to build the future.
Champion
Rallies teams with drive and accountability. Pushes through to the goal.
Connector
People‑centered and empathic. Builds social connection by reading the room and bridging differences.
Catalyst
Energetic explorer who sparks innovation and brings fresh perspectives.
Dreamer
Imaginative and introspective. Explores ideas and possibilities through deep, quiet contemplation.
Maverick
Self‑reliant and direct. Values autonomy, clear ownership, and space to execute independently.
Advocate
Thoughtful and deeply caring. Champions others through attentive listening and genuine understanding.
Facilitator
Practical and organized. Enables others and keeps operations running smoothly through thoughtful coordination.
Strengths‑in‑Combination
Similarities can be safe, differences can be power. While each archeytpe has some natural relationships; Planners steady dreamers; explorers spark anchors, this does not mean that anchor/anchor with be smooth or that anchor/explorer will be difficult. They just come with their own unique challenges and opportunities. Naming these patterns helps you identify common friction points and opportunities for shared rituals, clearer expectations, and kinder repair.
Limitations & Healthy Skepticism
Personality is one input among many — context, experience, and goals matter. Our approach favors simplicity over complexity, which is why our test is shorter than others. Most people find it to be directionally accurate and usefulness despite not being exhaustive. It's important to mention that results may vary depending on many factors including how you are feeling when you take the test, recent life experiences etc. You can treat these results a simple way to understand yourself and how you connect with others and always rememeber that the scores are not be-all-and-end-all but a good basis from which you can build any improve kind of relationship.
FAQ
- Is Haystack scientific? It’s grounded in widely used frameworks, simplified for clarity and usefulness.
- Can my archetype change? It can shift with time and context. Retake the quiz anytime.
- Low score with someone I love? Totally possible. Use the insights as tools, not labels.